You thought I forgot that I had to finish this story huh? Well I didn’t I just lost my train of thought.
All right a recap for those who didn’t click the link and read the first part. Me, Expletive Delph and Will were drinking (heavily), I got shot down trying to chat up a Deutcher, more drinking, and…..
So we were still at the bar (me and Will) finishing our beers(?) and being slightly inebriated we didn’t notice that Expletive Delph hasn’t been with us since we entered the bar and he told us he was going to the bathroom. It’s been two hours. Me and Will’s first thoughts were not “I wonder if Delph is o.k.” it was more like “Delph’s beer is warm, let’s split it.” So, after drinking Delph’s beer we did start wondering what had happened to him. I figured that he was probably passed out on the bathroom floor. Will figured that he ditched us to go back to the barracks. Turns out we were both wrong. Me and Will had just gotten up from the bar stool to go and look for him when he came dragging up the stairs. The conversation went something like this.
Me: “Where the f**k have you been?
Expletive Delph: “I was down stairs puking in the potted plant outside the front door.”
Me: “We drank your beer ya lush.”
Expletive Delph: “I’m good now. Lets order another round. Delph is on, baby!”
Will: “We got to go.”
To give some context to Will’s catch phrase, he was the oldest among us, and probably the most intelligent. The intelligent part is documented since he has some unheard of GPA with a BS in chemical engineering. He was the voice of reason on most of our drinking expeditions. It always ended up the same. Me, Delph, or B-Cack would get into some kind of embarrassing trouble and Will would end things by saying “We got to go.” Luckily when he said it this time, it just meant to another bar.
We left the Hard Rock 1 and headed down the street to An Sibin (why does Gaelic sound so much like Arabic) the Irish pub. Delph had gotten to his second wind and me and Will weren’t embarrassingly drunk yet. We all decided to stop and get some drunk food before we stopped into the next bar to completely humiliate ourselves. In Germany there is the best drunk food in the world. It’s called a doner kabab. It’s like a gyro but Turkish people make them (Turkish people are to Germany as Mexican people are to America). The best thing is there was a doner stand right outside the Irish pub. We ordered our doners and Will offers to pay for them, which leaves me and Delph free to eat ours. Being drunk, food tends to go a lot quicker than normal, probably because you don’t waste all that time chewing. Both Delph and I had finished ours before Will came to join us. So, Will is standing there with his doner, hadn’t even taken a bite yet, when Delph walks over to him, looks him in the eye, and smacks the doner right out of his hand, and starts laughing. The doner falls onto the cobble stone street outside of the Irish pub. Will quickly picks it up, curses at Delph, and prepares to get something in his stomach besides the liquid courage we had been drinking all night. This leaves Delph free to find something else to do with his time, while Will finishes up his doner. Now I’m not sure why Delph went for me (I easily out weighed him by 35 lbs and was stronger) but he decided that it was time to show me that he could take me in a fight. What happens is, he tries to tackle me , he only ends up in a headlock, and then he starts telling me (while still in the headlock): “I’ve got you man. I can take you down anytime I want.” (I want to pause here and let everyone know that Delph’s head is a magnet for harm. He was in Germany for a whole 12 hours before his first trip to the hospital with head trauma, ask B-Cack he’ll tell ya) I reply: “Are you stupid?”
Delph: “Nah man. I got you.”
I decided it was time to put an end to his mouth so I simply fell back onto the cobble stone with Delph in the headlock. There was a loud “knock” and when we got up of the ground, blood was coming out from between Delph’s fingers as he held his forehead. So now the Germans walking down the street are giving us a wide birth, Delph is bleeding, and Will ends the night with “We got to go.”
A Phat History Lesson (Part 1)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 2)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 3)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 4)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 5)