Military Jokes (A Phat History Lesson)
If there was anything that I learned during my short time in the Army is that there is an abundance of gullible people (read privates) to pull practical jokes on. These are a few that were either attempted on me (I’ll tell you what I did if anyone tried to pull one on me) or that I used on other soldiers. Most of the jokes are sending privates running around looking for equipment that doesn’t exist. Other jokes are just plain fun.
Warning: Most of these jokes might not be readily understood by people who have not been in the Military.
Things to tell privates to get:
• Go get a box of grid squares from supplies.
• Go get canopy lights for our night jump.
• Go to commo and get some squelch grease.
• Go to battalion and get the keys to area J. (I’ll help you out on this one. If I remember correctly, at Fort Bragg there is a training area called Area J. There is a gate that is locked there. There is no fence though so anyone can walk into the area.)
• Go get the 9-mil blank adapter from the armorer.
• Go to commo and get the PRC E-7, and don’t get the black one ‘cause it doesn’t work. (That joke only works if the platoon sergeant is black)
• Go get 100 feet of flight line.
• Go to the First Sergeant and get the ID 10T wire.
• Go get some chem-light batteries.
• Get some IR smoke grenades for the night live fire.
Fun in the motor pool
• Change the winter air out of the HMWWV’s tires to summer air.
• Get some turn signal fluid for this deuce-and-a-half.
• Go tell the mechanic you’ve got a dead-lined P-N1S. Write it down he’ll understand.
• Make sure you feed the Gamma Goat.
• Get some sky hooks for the vehicle so we can sling load.
Super fun games
• “Space Invaders”: Line up privates in a hallway, make them do “little man in the woods” (jumping jacks while in a squat) and throw wet sponges at them to defend the hallway against the invading aliens.
• “Here Hold My Camera”: A soldier gives you his camera to hold while he goes to do something (preferably far enough away not to see you). Take his camera and make a snapshot of your “little soldier”. Hand the camera to as many people as you can so that they can also join in the fun.
• “Kuala-Fied”: Take a few privates, have them hang upside down on the trunks of trees by wrapping their arms and legs around the trunk, and whoever stays up the longest becomes “kuala-fied”.
• “Hide Gay Pron Ads in the Lieutenant’s Equipment for Him to Find Later”: In the back of naked women mags, there is an abundance of gay pron ads. Cut these out and hide them throughout your Platoon Leader’s equipment. Eventually, one of the “Richard pics” will fall out at an inopportune time and hilarity will ensue.
• “MOPP 4 Races”: Have privates don their MOPP gear and then create an obstacle course for them race.
• “Snake Charming”: Work up some good solid waste. While downloading solid waste in to latrine, lift up and move forward. Extra points for coils in the bowl.
• “Atomic Sit-up”